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Episode 56: Travelin’ Mam


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This week’s question is a British classic, involving as it does bureaucracy, extended family and social awkwardness. How to get a non-passport-having mum to Bulgaria in six months time without her finding out? Note: not a cover for human trafficking this time. We’ve learned our lesson.

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Episode 55: TV Party


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We live in a golden age of TV, they say, their eyes glassy and peculiar, the faint buzzing of distant wasps carried on their flat, reedy voices. But it’s true! Today’s questioner struggles to fit all of these wonderful shows into their free time. Something has to give. But what? We will fix it.

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Episode 53: The Gift of Gifting Gifts



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Our questioner struggles with the idea that they’re giving bad gifts. What can we do to assuage this, make sure the gifts they’re giving are good ones, or just convince them not to care? Three very different solutions in this faintly-festive episode.

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Episode 52: Job Search



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Our questioner has had a tough time in employment, with bullying and redundancy, and now struggles to overcome the trauma of this and look for a new job. Can we help? Sort of.

Fewer gags than usual. We even edited out one about a greasy horse, it was tonally “off”. But we’ll whisper it to you if you ask politely.

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Episode 51: Can You Dig It?



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Our questioner wants a nice garden without all that pesky maintenance, with having to know and care about plants, cutting things, digging things, and the horrifying reminder of the terrifying entropy nipping at all of our heels that comes with it. What to do? We know!

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Episode 50: Preserving the Magic


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Our questioner is navigating the choppy waters of sudden cohabitation, in particular, the treacherous eddies around the Strait of Flatulence and the fearsome squall of Depilation Bay. How do you manage expectations, mystique, and living together? Should you at all?

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Episode 49: Earwormed



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Our questioner has been betrayed by their own mind and is now a prisoner to a swirling vortex of goth-pop inanity. Can we free them from this gulag of sound and ungodly image?

Yes.

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Episode 48: Selling Out



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Our questioner is an creative type, and loses all interest in the act of creation as soon as the deed is done. They need our help to stop their creations from sitting, unloved and alone, on the shelves. They are asking us, dear listener, us, how to do a marketing.

Some resources

Here’s that “comic” that Roger mentions on the show, which is in fact not a comic, but is still a good article on business models and going to market for creatives:

You need a business model to make it as an artist, Jessica Abel

Make It Then Tell Everybody is Dan Berry’s podcast on audience-building and marketing for comics and other creative work.

The Business Model Canvas is a handy thinking tool to get you going. See also: the value propositions one from the same folks.

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Episode 47: Ball’s In Your Court



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Those ruddy-faced sprogs next door won’t stop punting balls over your fence, violating the most basic tenets of communal living. But not to worry, we have some fixings that will sort that right out with a minimum of sharpened stick pits dug into your lawn.

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Episode 46: Hangin’ on the (Internet) Telephone



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This week’s questioner has that age-old dilemma – how to take a friendship and heave it over the line like a sack of metaphorical relationship potatoes into a relationship where there may or may not be potatoes. Complicating things: nerves, the internet, us.

We will fix it though, you can be damn sure of that.

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Episode 45: So Near, Sofa



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Oversized furniture, hoarding, parental obligation and sentimentality collide in the form of a much-loved but unwanted sofa (or couch – hi, America!). We look at three ways to deal with the emotional fallout of a bizarrely universal experience.

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Episode 44: Three’s Some Company


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This week’s questioner wants to expand their sexual horizons, and they’re not too fussy whether that means multiple partners simultaneously or in serial.

Someone else is gettin’ doinked is what we’re saying here.

But how to do this and maintain the existing relationship? Is it possible to keep people from being hurt? And how exactly does one fit all this doinking into a busy modern life?

We will fix it.

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Episode 43: All The Rage



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Our questioner suffers from occasional bouts of furious anger, and would like very much to keep them under control before they end up screaming, covered in kestrel blood on a roundabout. We’d like to avoid that too, so for you, dear listeners, and for the kestrels, we will fix it.

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Episode 42 – The Fall



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Autumn is here, and with it comes the sadness, at least in this week’s questioner. Surely we can’t fix an entire season? Oh, you poor poor things. We will FIGHT a season. For you. To fix it.

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Episode 41: Reach Out



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If you’re the go-to support for a friend’s problems, it can be hard to know what to do and how to weather the emotional labour required. Luckily, we’re the experts here and we’ve got ideas.

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Episode 40: Family Matters



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This week’s questioner has a testy relationship with their parents, and seeks our advice on how to deal with the dreaded filial responsibilities when they pop by for a visit. It’s emotionally fraught, and that’s before you even get to some very strong opinions about cake.

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Episode 39: Feelin’ Hot



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Sometimes it can be warm. Not often, but it can. If you struggle with this sort of thing, what are some options to cool off? Not air conditioning or that sort of thing. Nothing so simple. Join us on a journey into the HUMAN MIND and also some slightly better advice about fans.

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Episode 38 – Talk Talk



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Our listener is presented with a dilemma – in order to effectively Do A Business, it is incumbent upon them to chat in a casual and carefree manner with colleagues. Alas, the vomiting blood and the fear sweats get in the way. What succour can we, as fixers, provide?

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Episode 37: Ambient Anger



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This week’s asker suffers anxiety from anxiety brought on by a co-worker’s apparently ceaseless fury at everybody and everything. Can we help? Of course we can, and our advice ranges from the gently vengeful to the needlessly biological. As ever, it is extremely helpful.

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Episode 36: School Reunion



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Our questioner has a school reunion coming up, one they’d like to spice up with some shenanigans. But how to balance fun and emotional well-being? With our boundless wells of both creativity and compassion, we will fix it.

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Episode 33: Last Resort



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This week’s questioner wants to learn to love the cockroaches they find themselves suddenly living with and asks us: how? How to love the cockroach?

Asking why might also have been a good idea.

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Episode 32: It’s a Drag



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In which our heroes fight normalising social pressure in order to discover when it’s OK to feminise men for money. It’s a minefield of gender theory and good intentions, and we intend to cross it with most of our limbs intact.

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Episode 31: Identity Crisis



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Our questioner finds themselves torn between two countries, unable to fully integrate into either. How to adapt, or at least, how to make it work? Can we parlay our totally dissimilar experiences into useful advice? Probably not, but just try and stop us.

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Episode 30: It’s Still Probably Just You



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This week we’re continuing our journey into those little peculiarities, those oddnesses that you’re not sure you share with the world at large. We’ll give you a strong yes or no and put you at ease, as we are wont to do.

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Episode 29: Is It Just Me, Or Does Everybody…?



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Do you have something that you believe sets you apart from other people, but never found the courage to check? Not to worry, dear probable-freak. We will tell you, en masse, whether it’s just you. 

This week, we bring succour to, or, at bare minimum, confirm the suspicions of, six listeners who have such suspicions.

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Episode 28: Imitating Life



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Today’s questioner struggles with people copying their style, manner and turn of phrase. These imitators are causing no small consternation, so let’s see if we can thwart their designs, shall we?

With thanks to Canon Hannon’s Ham Cannon for additional musical assistance today.

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Episode 27: Do An Art



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Our questioner wants to do an art, but in the absence of a wealthy patron or fascinating amphetamine addiction, just struggles to find the time. We can help. Plus: what is art? How do you know if you’ve done enough art? Will our crude daubings on the walls of this grain silo be enough to secure us a legacy that ratles through the aeons? Let’s find out – together.

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Episode 25 – Lifehacks



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This week’s fixee is addicted to lifehacks – those plausible-seeming fixes for minor productivity wobbles that have none of the scientific and spiritual rigour of our own excellent advice. How, then, to wean them off the bad (everyone else) and onto the good (us)?

We’ll tell you.

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Episode 24: Clothes Are Bullshit



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Do you struggle to dress yourself? Not like that, dear listener, or you wouldn’t have passed the basic requirements exam we set you. No, do you, like today’s questioner, struggle to find clothes that fit, suit, live up to the required but ultimately arbitrary standards of society at large, or just don’t have holes in the shoulders for no discernible reason? Allow us to help.

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Episode 23: Working With Twats



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One of our listeners has a problem. Technically you all have problems, but as this one was emailed to wewillfixyoushow@gmail.com, it’s the one we choose to address today.

How, we are asked, can one train a colleague when one wishes the very worst diseases of the bum and flaps upon said colleague? We will tell you. We will fix you.

 

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Episode 22: Validity



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This week’s questioner has a problem (obviously). How to receive the heaping showers of praise that make for a happy life without being an insufferable bellend? We have some profound thoughts on the matter.

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Episode 19: Hanging on the Telephone



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Nuisance callers, be they marketers, recruiters, or literally anyone with access to a phone because come on who does that, are a problem. A problem today’s questioner has turned to us to fix, which we do with gusto. How much gusto? A lot!

It’s like you don’t understand the concept of gusto.

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Episode 17 – Leaving on a Jet Plane

Let’s face it, there’s a good chance that the country you live in right now is a garbage fire. So what are some alternatives? What can reasonably be said to be the “best” country? Tender listeners, we will tell you that very thing if you’ll only let us.



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Episode 16: The Curse of Aunt Flo

When you’ve tried everything that’s usually recommended for period pains to no avail, what’s left? Let a show whose cast is two-thirds male give you the definitive answer.



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Episode 14 – Keeping Things Frisky

When the honeymoon period in a relationship ends, it can be hard keeping the spark of pure nasty alive, especially when, like our poor questioner here, you don’t have a basement oubliette for “sexy” “captive” “roleplay”. What to do, what to do?

We’ll tell you.



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If you missed part one of our Valentines’ podcasting spectacular, it’s here, on the slightly less fun topic of abusive relationships.

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Episode 13 – Abusive Relationships

Valentines’ Day is upon us, and with it the reminder that not all relationships are good or healthy. We look at some ways of helping people in emotionally unhealthy situations. Two jokes maximum, but there’s a good ‘un at the end.

If you know of any useful resources for people dealing with this, let us know on @wewillfixyou and we’ll add them here.

Part two of our Valentine’s bonanza is here, and covers keeping the spark alive.



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Continue reading →

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Episode 12: Be Your Own Pet



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With every habitable home having been bought for buy-to-let off the profits of illegal raves in the 90s, it can be hard to find a house of one’s own, and that means no pets. What are some viable alternatives that will provide the same warm glow of companionship as inviting a wild animal in to poop on your floor?

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Episode 10 – Working Hard for the Money



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It’s sad when you need a job but you don’t really want a job but also you’ll starve to death if you don’t do what capitalism demands of you. Don’t worry though, we’re here with helpful advice. We will fix you.

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Episode 9: My Iron Lung



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It’s hard when you’re in an iron lung and desperate for amusement, conversation, or base, vulgar, carnal relief. Thankfully our raw empathy and insight lets us put ourselves in your hospital booties to come up with some pretty compelling solutions. We Will Fix You.

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Episode 8: See My Friend



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What’s the etiquette for handling a Facebook friend whose sudden belief in a flat Earth, Stanley Kubrick’s moon landing footage, and the Reverse Vampires is hampering what used to be a pleasant digital acquaintanceship? We can help. We will fix you.

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Episode 6: New Years’ Eve Party



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When you’re lucky enough to be invited to three different parties, how do you choose between them? Team We Will Fix You have some ideas, and now you have to listen to them.

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Episode 5 – Fun With Firing



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One of our plutocratic masters has a problem – to keep a once-productive employee and retrain them, or to quietly shuffle them out behind the chemical sheds and have them shot? Which is kindest? Which is best? We will fix it.

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Episode 4 – Fenland Criminality



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A fenland unfortunate seeks our heroes’ advice on life, family, massive bags of delicious heroin, and more. Can they help this rural unfortunate? Of course. But how? There’s the rub.

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